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THANE
Thane, the "Boom Boy", God of Death, Keeper of the Slayer Key, and Dweller of the Abyss, is the lovechild of Ernie Keebler and George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher. He frequents the MovieStar Planet forums with his account, "eminemfan11", and can often be found at his local pier fishing with no fishing rod. He loves to run, laugh, and play in the mud. His diet consists heavily of Cheeseburger, Aqueous Beta Pellets (fish food), and the Souls of the Damned. He is currently in a healthy relationship with a Russian eugenic experiment dubbed "Maddie". "Maddie" is born with the same genetic code as Thane only she was created with two X chromosomes instead of the XY combination Thane might have. Thane quite literally, is dating himself, and man is she banging. Thane is currently the heaviest thing in the universe and is the only known object to squash Newton's first law of motion. CHILDHOOD An excerpt from his private diary depicting a small fragment of his known childhood. "I had very a dramatic and traumatizing upbringing. It all started in July 4th, 1989, when I was birthed into this unholy place we call Earth. My crack whore of a mother had been doing several drugs during her pregnancy including, you guessed it, crack and other various damaging drugs. When I was born I had a severe brain damage and neither of my parents were happy about this. My father could not handle the pressure of having a retarded child and immediately went to alcohol and heroin. My mother and father would both torture and abuse me, their retarded child, for pleasure every day. When I was four, my dad beat me with a stick until I was unconscious. When I was six my mother rammed a crackpipe up my tiny six-year-old anus, expanding the diameter of my anus by four inches. When I was seven, my mother and father trapped me under a laundry basket for eight weeks and fed me little chunks of canned tuna fish as I sat there in my own feces. And finally, when I was nine, my father took my family on a trip to our local ice skating rink. After what seemed like an irregular fun family experience, I became extremely suspicious. Eventually we were getting ready to leave when my father pulled me aside. He looked me dead in the eyes for what seemed like several minutes. Finally, my father performed the following actions: → ↓ → ▲, perfectly executing Scorpion's fatality: 'Split Decision.' He pulled out his two swords, slicing me up into four different pieces. Thankfully, because of medical miracles, I survived!" MEETING OF OLEN A young 4-year-old Thane was lonely and having a hard time making friends. He spent his time on the playground picking dry poop flakes out of his ass and repetitively getting his hand stuck in a dark wet hole. But that all changed when he saw the most beautiful in all of the preschool, Becky. She was perfect, her clothes dirty, hair greasy, and loved to eat her own boogers. But Thane's new found hope was quickly desecrated when the tough guy of the school took her before he even had a chance. His name was Olen, otherwise known as, Haver of Sex (even at his concerning young age), and he reeked of poopy diaper and piss, he was unstoppable. Thane could tell with his superhuman senses that Olen was producing a 30 year old male bodybuilders level of testosterone at only the age of 4. Wowzers. But Thane knew this was his only chance to get the girl. He confronted Olen and challenged him to a duel. With only 5 minutes remaining at playtime, they knew they had to make it quick. Thane and Olen proceeded to beat the shit out of each other until they both were unable to move. They both pondered on what to do next, but then realized that they had the wrong enemies. They both discovered "bitches ain't shit" and became allies and would forever go on to change history together.